Moon Dog and Badger PART 4

Now a friend of mine says he'll make some drawings of Moon Dog and Badger. So, if my friend is reading this I just want to say one word. Hairyballedfuckface.

Anyway, Part 4 my friends.

Badger was a mess. Like an alcoholic priest converting to Jedi. But life will give him something, it gives everyone something. One day, whilst walking through Watford Park he came across a mushroom. A magic mushroom. The real magic kind, not the funny ‘I like my sister’ kind. The mushroom was glowing like the burning bush Moses saw. Now, at this moment Badger thought I am never going to eat a mushroom again. Hallucinating about the goonies or Edward Heath is all good and fun but burning bushes, hell no. But people, you know curiosity killed the cat. Strange story behind that phrase. Curiosity killed the cat because once upon a time this specific cat living in New York saw a butterfly. An evil butterfly. All butterflies are evil, cold blooded creatures. All they want to do is destroy, rob and pillage, but they can’t because, well it’s obvious, work it out – what are they going to do? Pull a gun out and shoot you? No. Anyway, so this cat in New York started chasing this butterfly to kill it. The cat was curious as to where the butterflies Masonic lodge was, where the butterflies carry out their conspiracy against the world. He followed the butterfly. It was a trap. The butterfly led him to an industrial harvester. The cat was turned into sweet and sour chicken Chinese style. So, there you go kids, some knowledge for you.

So with that knowledge we know that Badger had to eat that mushroom.

He thought, ‘if I don’t do this I might never what a glowing mushroom tastes like, I must be like Jack Nicholson and try everything once’

He did. He put into this mouth. My God, ladies and gents, he put into his mouth. It’s like watching an action scene in slow mo. Nothing happened. Badger carried on trudging through the park, smiling and giving high fives to all the other people. Badger was like a smelly Fonz. And then it happened. Badger collapsed, his eyes were trembling and then just stayed open, they turned from being bloodshot and battered to white and crystal clear. Badger was still, oh so still. By looking at him you would think he was in shock. Not really, just amazed at the revelation inside of him, the pure clean clarity of vision. Badger was always trying to numb his existence so he wouldn’t feel. But now he was feeling detoxified. His shoulders weren’t bearing a huge weight, he was lighter than a feather. From this on he would never ever abuse his body again, unless he paid for it at Kings Cross. He remembered Margaret Badger who he could have rescued but was too high to do so. Her memory panged his memory over and over again. He also remembered a time when he tried to play the flute with a sausage. It was a silly random thought. Poor Badger and his silly mushrooms. Badger got up in a vigour only seen in dictators who rule over their land of deserts and hung over cattle. They must wake up and think, yes it’s only 2 inches, but today I can do whatever I want. Today, I will abuse cats. Dictators are the second most evil people after butterflies. You can imagine how good they feel with all that power on their big bed when they wake up. Saddam Hussein used to wake up to Iraq and before he killed dissidents he used to watch Bugs Bunny. He could because he was the ultimate power. He also used to sing ‘I’m so pretty’ in the shower. Badger was all powerful, and with a swagger and swing he walked through with a smile, a smile he had forgotton. The last time he smiled he was kicked in the head by a concerned mother. Badger was only being friendly not creepy. Damned over-protective young mothers. Badger went past Rand the rat.

‘Hey brother! Wassup?’, said that cool rat.

‘I feel good Rand’, high fived Badger to the Rat.

The rat went flying back to a tree and was killed in such a gruesome manner that I will tell all in glorious high definition. Badger high fived a rat. Think about an elephant high fiving Gary Coleman. That Rat just bounced like a ping pong ball, went flying and hit a tree head first. The last thing that went through Rand the Rat were all the secrets of the Universe and existence. A rather sad juxtaposition to happen at death.You find everything out and then you die as soon as you’ve figured it out. Just another one of the ridiculous protocols the Universe had in place. So if you want to figure out what life and everything means, kill yourself.

Please leave comments guys. It gives me arousal.