Moon Dog and Badger PART3

This part continues the intro of our awesome duo. This part concentrates on Moon Dog.

Moon Dog did not see this coming. Hopping on the moon with Buzz and Neil, with his glass helmet and nothing else. Dogs have to be protected from zero atmosphere places as well you know. Not their bodies but just their head. Ask NASA they will tell you so. As he was there hopping in his domain, he thought ‘wow, I could really evacuate my bowels here’ In saying that moon dogs bowels let some air out and it pushed him forward at miraculous speeds. Moon Dog was flying. At first there was fear and then Moon Dog couldn’t keep his concentration so he forgot what he was frightened of in the first place. Neil Armstrong thought this was wonderful and laughed like mad until he got his asthma and stopped. Oh but my fellow reader(s), NASA forgot to cover his scrotum. The scrotum must be covered as well in zero atmospheres and minus degrees cold. Moon Dog went to lick his family jewels. As his huge helmet hit his marble pack his frozen scrotum just fell off. Radioactive pathogens invaded the place where his scrotum was. They formed something more metallic and grey looking.
‘Did you just see that?’ said Neil almost fainting from his asthma.
‘Nope, have you collected the moon soil yet?’ replied Buzz boringly.
‘Oh yeah magic dust, yeah got loads of it’. said Neil now severely lacking oxygen.
Moon Dog understood all this. Amongst American English Moon Dog also understands cockney and Rolf Harris.
Moon Dog rather angrily retorted, ‘grrrr’ in his circular helmet. That didn’t work, so he charged at Neil Armstrong with a judo chop. He missed. Instead, he hit an Asteroid. Something magical happened then, Moon Dogs super balls ignited with the super dust of the asteroid and suddenly there was a jolt inside Moon Dogs mind. There was crystal clear clarity, Moon Dog was one with the Universe and a superb power enveloped him. Not only could he could he understand all the languages of creation except Icelandic he could also feel a higher intellect in him. He now had an IQ of 11. Which meant his good will to mankind was increased. From this moment on Moon Dog would serve humanity forever. His IBS was cured, he could see all the colours of the world, rather than black and white. But something more sinister was taking place. Of all the powers that the Universe gives it also takes something back. There is no such thing as perfection. After all heroes have to have a handicap of some sort. Moon Dog discovered this looking at the earth and sun together. In one sudden swoop he fell back to Moon and starting having a horrible seizure. Foaming at the mouth, jiggling on the ground like a crazy white man learning the twist. Commonly known as epilepsy and not spazzing as some people call it. Buzz saw this and in his wicked way he buried Moon Dog thinking the poor dog couldn’t cope with space dimensions.
‘What are you doing’ cried Neil.
‘No-one will miss him’ said Buzz with his Moon spade.
Evil Buzz
Moon Dog vowed to get his revenge on Buzz. He would find him on earth and do a massive poop on his doorstep.
Of course, Moon Dog was now a super being. He escaped after Neil’s speech about ‘one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind’. Contrary to popular belief Neil Armstrong was not talking about the evolutionary and technological advancement of man. He just jumbled some asthmatic words together and somehow they made sense. Luckily he didn’t not say ‘flamertammertangerineopesci….’ I cannot finish that word because if I did the fabric of time and space would just end there and then. It is the one of the three variables that the universe has in place. Like an emergency stop button. The third variable is if Jamie Oliver ever lost his lisp. If the latter two happen soon, the universe would just fold like paper into itself. The secrets of the Universe would reveal themselves and there wouldn’t be anyone there to see it. Damn paradoxes.
So, Moon Dog escaped his moon dust grave. He was going to fly to the earth. Moon Dog carried on farting towards earth hoping this Peter Pan sensation would last forever. Peter Pan also suffered from IBS.

Tune in next week folks for the next part of this massive paradigm shift in story telling.